When my husband Dean first suggested we update our respective decade-old musings on ‘the wireless-enhanced spouse’ for Incisor Magazine, my initial reaction was one of sheer panic. Shades of the Bionic Man flashed before my eyes, accompanied by that iconic line: “We can rebuild him. We have the technology.”
In order to effectively talk about ‘enhancing’ my other half – the man I vowed to cherish for the rest of my life – wouldn’t I first have to own up to any flaws he might have? If so, what were these flaws, and could I really be trusted not to broadcast them for all to see?
As if sensing my predicament, Dean promptly messaged me on yet another newly installed chat app (he changes them almost weekly, keeping me forever on my digital toes) to announce he’d already rattled off his first 500 words. Evidently, he had no such qualms! So, with fingers hovering above the keys, I shall once again say: let the grapple of the Grattons commence.
Keeping Tabs
From a marketing viewpoint, it’s always prudent to keep track of consumer habits in order to predict trends, develop new products, and stay one step ahead. From a marriage perspective, having insights into your spouse’s ‘expenditure’ might be equally tempting.
Indeed, whenever Dean proclaims, “I only had the two pints, darling,” or “Of course I didn’t forget - your anniversary gift on its way” a little part of me wonders whether today’s advanced tracking systems would be handy to separate truth from, shall we say, ‘creative recollection.’
Of course, the Marriage Guidance Council might baulk at the mere suggestion of microchipping one’s better half. In fact, I hear the question: “Where’s the trust?” echoing around the room. Yes, you’re right. It’s a dreadful idea. But ironically, the technology that would make it possible already exists – just look at the various combinations of GPS, Bluetooth Low Energy and Ultra-Wideband location tracking currently flooding the consumer market. There are Apple AirTags, Tiles, or those tiny tags now readily available to slip onto people, pets, or possessions.
In the world of healthcare, real-time positioning systems (RTLS) have become a game changer, allowing hospitals to track expensive equipment and monitor patient safety.
Some schools and businesses have even flirted with the idea of tracking students or staff across a building via their phones or wearable devices. So, could this morph into a worthwhile domestic tool, ensuring our loved ones are always within reach? Possibly, in scenarios involving vulnerable family members, such as children or the elderly.
But when it comes to ‘keeping tabs’ on your spouse purely for peace of mind – let’s just say the only band I’m keen for Dean to wear remains firmly on his ring finger. Let’s move along, shall we?
Good Communication
While I may jest about covert tracking, my real focus is on how wireless (and increasingly 5G, the Internet of Things, and AI-driven connectivity) can reinforce and sustain a pretty marvellous marriage. I’d like to assume Dean has taken a similar tack in his corresponding piece – but we shall see.
In our household, connectivity is second nature. We’ve come a long way from those clunky business trips a decade ago, when the thought of reliable Wi-Fi in foreign hotels was pure fantasy, and using a mobile phone abroad could necessitate taking out a small bank loan.
Today, instant messaging, voice calls, and video chats are as natural as breathing. Bluetooth earpieces now share the limelight with the latest wireless buds, and we rely on them constantly when driving across time zones, nattering about everything from that day’s lunch choices to next week’s deadlines.
Remembering to Remember
Between shared digital calendars, AI-driven reminders, and the marvels of cloud syncing, there really isn’t an excuse anymore to forget special dates like birthdays or anniversaries. Both Dean and I enjoy the perk of having notifications pop up across our devices, ensuring we’re adequately prepared (or sufficiently nagged) about upcoming celebrations. And while that’s undeniably handy, it does beg the question: does such technological support strip away the romance, or actually enhance it?
For instance, should I be thrilled that Dean’s phone pings him a week before my birthday, prompting him to buy a card and gift online? Should I leap for joy that the same app might offer present suggestions based on my browsing history or last year’s purchases?
In fairness, I sometimes yearn for the slightly panicked Dean of yesteryear – the man who’d dash into the nearest shop ten minutes before closing time, swoop up a wilted bouquet, and snag whatever “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WIFE” card was left on the stand. It was last-minute, chaotic, and occasionally comedic, but there was something undeniably charming about it.
Nowadays, gifts arrive perfectly curated and wrapped, courtesy of a site that claims to know me as intimately as Dean does. HaveIgotagiftforyou.com might do a sterling job at ensuring boxes arrive on time and in pristine condition, but the spontaneity and sheepish, 'caught-off-guard' grin have been lost in the process. Still, I suppose that’s the beauty of choice: some appreciate seamless efficiency, while others prefer a mild hint of chaos. Perhaps a blend of both is ideal?
A Debt of Gratitude
I’ll admit, I’m wandering slightly from my initial premise – to deliver a spirited commentary on how wireless might ‘improve’ my husband. But the truth is, I find myself more inclined to praise these technologies for helping keep us connected. Not in a sterile, Stepfordian sense, but in a way that allows for real, heartfelt communication, even when work commitments span oceans and continents.
Marriage, unlike the smoothest 5G signal, can be turbulent, impassioned, and gloriously messy.
Would I really want the ultimate ‘perfect’ spouse if it meant surrendering the lively moments that keep our relationship vibrant? A frictionless partner can quickly become dull, and dullness is as destructive as imperfection.
Relationships aren’t about master-and-slave dynamics (a favourite metaphor in the wireless realm). They’re about synergy, mutual respect, and spirited debate – a connection that, if balanced, can endure the test of time.
Of course, wireless connectivity now seeps into every corner of our existence. Smarter homes are rising up around us with voice-activated everything and sensors tracking our every move, ready to adjust the lights or order groceries before we realise we’re out of milk.
Undoubtedly, this will only intensify in the years to come. Yet within our four walls, I’m determined that no number of beeping devices or glowing screens will steal away those organic moments we share: impromptu conversations, belly laughs, and the comforting reality of a real-life embrace.
For many couples, especially those who see more of their spouses on a screen than on a sofa, the challenge is distinguishing between real-time and ‘real times.’ As cheesy as it sounds, forging that balance might be the most important gift we can give each other.
Finally, I owe wireless technology an enormous thank-you for making Dean the man he is today: successful, passionate about his work, and wholeheartedly devoted to pushing boundaries (even if that means lugging me along for the ride!). His career has flourished on the back of digital connectivity, from writing books on the topic to penning articles that regularly make me smile. So here’s to you, wireless technology – for better or worse, you’ve made my husband truly ‘enhanced.’
And though I sometimes wish I could tug him back from the next phone upgrade or next big platform trial, I’m grateful for the gift of near-instant communication, even in the farthest corners of the world.
Thank you, wireless, for keeping my husband’s spirit – and our connection – so vibrantly alive. And yes, for all that you’ve provided and all you continue to promise, we’re both utterly in your debt.
Comments